This was sparked by Stacy-Ann Ellis’ “True Life: I Forgot How to Be a Girlfriend”.
Okay, listen… I’ve forgotten a lot. I’m rusty. I feel like Denzel in Man On Fire when he’s drunk in his room and playing with his gun in the mirror. He’s posturing like a sharpened veteran, but when he cocks the handgun to pop the round out and catch it, he reaches his hand out and misses the bullet.
That’s me when courting a woman now. I’m not as smooth as I once was, I’m awkward and probably annoying, and I now have trouble reading signs where I once was superbly literate. All of these things make me feel grossly incapable of keeping the “in-like” stage of courting interesting, like in the romantic comedies. I like romantic comedies.
I’m gonna blame it on not having been in a relationship in about 5 years, and also not really having a real, true crush in about the same time, until recently. Being a picky guy, I take my crushes seriously because I’m not usually taken aback by a woman’s energy and aura very often.
If I’m interested in you, you’re more than likely the only woman I’m really and truly wanting to get to know deeper. Greedy people say don’t put all your eggs in one basket, but if you only have one egg, what’s the basket for? You gotta cup that egg with both hands! Either way, I’m bad at multitasking and I’ve never been able to juggle eggs, let alone women.
I’ve also not been on a ‘successful’ date in a couple years, but I’m not sure what to attribute this to. By successful, I mean an outing where I wasn’t stood up for the third time. I don’t know what that’s about, just tell me you don’t dig me like that. Also, I’M NOT A CREEP. Not on Thursdays. And that ulterior motive dating is corny to me. I don’t purposely look for a summer fling or a winter cuff. Why should I let a season mandate the basis of a relationship?
I sort of don’t understand these things. I do understand wanting, at the very least, a companion. One that I might could possibly maaaaybe fall in love with. I prefer being open to a companion because specifically saying from jump that I’m looking for a relationship seems to put a premature and obligatory burden on some interactions.
And on some days when I think about forever, I sort of fear that this atrophy has also crept into my being a boyfriend. Only on some days, though, because through all the forgetting and the proverbial round-dropping and resulting ineffectiveness, I believe that my sincerity will always show through in my efforts.
I don’t know what the street value of sincerity is in these days of the millennial, where digitized messages lose the emotion that we use to process intention, but I’m sure that that new drug “thirst” has dropped the price of it dramatically. Regardless of which holds more value, the one thing I’m sure of is that although I may not have those courting skills as sharp as I’d like them to be, I know I still have sincerity on my side. I’m sure that still counts for something.