This is a hard one. Is there an exact time frame? Is it based on how much time you spent with a person? If you know he or she ain’t worth not a moment more, but you still want to try, is your self-esteem to blame? Is it based on how many relationships you’ve been in and having the emotional experience to move on? Does it matter whether you’ve had sex or not? All can make this process seem frustrating.
First, I believe the point of having a human experience, no matter what your spiritual beliefs are is to progress. Move ahead. Learn. Do better. Yet and still we sometimes make it harder on ourselves when our lives are trying to push us ahead, and we choose to remain stubbornly in the past.
We all make mistakes. But we also have the option to move forward or stay the same.
Unfortunately people can be addictions. If not fully past them, you can easily be tempted to go right back. So you could have broken up with that young man you fell in love with in high school, and ten years later, still find yourself going back to him knowing it never works out and that you’re never happy. That’s settling.
But what if you’re in a ‘gray area’ situation? Not really in a relationship, but not really exploring all your opportunities as a single person. Then you decide you no longer get what you want from the person. You are not moving forward; you have been wasting your time.
That time you confused a lesson for a soulmate.
— dream hampton (@dreamhampton) December 1, 2012
Writer Dream Hampton pretty much sums it up. You can find yourself still getting over someone that never really was ‘yours’ to begin with, for months.
I think the people who move on the fastest realize that it is okay that their previous situation has failed. Whether it was a committed relationship, or a disappointing ‘gray area’, whatever. We shouldn’t try to make that person be the one we really deserve. I repeat it’s okay to fail. If you went in hoping for a happy ending and it did not end the way you hoped, well that is reality. The quicker you see it, the less you allow your emotions to rule you. It DOES take time but it also takes effort.
Bottom line there has to be a line, a limit to how much you are going to give and for how long. I personally learned (after playing myself) that there should be a balance between giving your time to a person and taking a chance, and then seeing when it is becoming a less than worthy investment.
Your emotions are not going to always be right. In this moment your mind has to say something. No sense on breaking your neck for a title if the person does not like you like that. Find someone who wants what you want.
You can’t get time back. Tomorrow is never promised. You can not wait forever for a return on actions. Some are not even aware they cause the pain they cause because they have issues they are not bothering to fix. Some folks are not so kind. Some folks are out to mislead. Some folks just really do not care about you. So care about yourself. It is impossible to give what you do not have. Rapper Kendrick Lamar hit it on the nail on his song “Real”: “What love got to do with it, when you don’t love yourself?”
There’s so much more I could have said, but I want to get your opinions. Leave comments or tweet me @Nateiege.